What if Cincinnati’s I-71/MLK interchange was held to same standards as streetcar?

Chris Wetterich of the Cincinnati Business Courier asks why a new highway interchange on I-71 isn’t being held to the same standards as the Cincinnati Streetcar by Mayor John Cranley and several council members.

Just for fun, I’d also like to consider how the Enquirer would cover the interchange if they used the same tone as their streetcar coverage:

  • They’d print a bunch of letters to the editor claiming that the new interchange “doesn’t go anywhere.”
  • They would use pictures of Model T’s and other antique cars instead of modern automobiles (like they frequently use photos of vintage trolleys instead of modern light rail streetcars).
  • They’d constantly refer to the interchange as “proposed” (even after contracts are signed and construction is started).
  • Instead of just reporting the facts, they would get a bunch of quotes from supporters and opponents of the interchange in a massive display of false equivalence.
  • They will finally come out in support of the interchange–but they’ll endorse a mayoral candidate who runs on a pledge to kill the interchange after it’s already under construction.

See also: Localizing Operating Costs for Streetcar Sets Dangerous Precedent.

Northern Kentucky man ordered not to say “bingo” for six months

“Just like you can’t run into a theater and yell ‘fire’ when it’s not on fire, you can’t run into a crowded bingo hall and yell ‘bingo’ when there isn’t one,” said Park Hills Police Sgt. Richard Webster, the officer who cited Whaley. […]

“At first, everybody started moaning and groaning when they thought they’d lost,” Webster said. “When they realized it wasn’t a real bingo, they started hooting and hollering and yelling and cussing. People take their bingo very seriously.” […]

When Whaley appeared in Kenton District Court last week, the judge ordered Whaley: “Do not say the word ‘bingo’ for six months.”

Opt Out of Social Security

In 1965, the government passed a law that allowed US citizens to opt out of Social Security.

Of course, only a small minority of Americans can legally stop paying Social Security taxes and strike their beneficiary status. In order to qualify for the IRS’s exemption, you must:

  • Convince them you are part of a religion that is “conscientiously opposed to accepting benefits of any private or public insurance that makes payments in the event of death, disability, old age or retirement.”
  • Have a ranking official of this religion authorize that you are a true believer
  • Prove that your religion has been established – and continually opposing insurance – since at least 1950.

So unless you are Amish, Mennonite, Anabaptist or part of another very small religious sect, odds are you’re stuck paying (and receiving) Social Security for the foreseeable future.

I’m absolutely shocked that the Tea Party hasn’t tried to organize itself as a religion and find a way to backdate its history to 1950. That way, tea partiers could have their true belief confirmed by Surprime Leaders David and Charles Koch, and then opt out of social security for good!

So I was at the UDF on Hudson at Indianola last night at 3am. I’m buying a Mountain Dew and I’m standing behind a hipster. Suddenly he turns and demands to buy the Mountain Dew for me.

They’ve always been a-holes when you meet them on their own turf but now they’ve branched out into new realms like woodworking and now ironically buying snacks for people at gas stations.

Jake Mecklenborg on hipsters

Nation Suddenly Realizes This Just Going To Be A Thing That Happens From Now On

Following Hurricane Sandy’s destructive tear through the Northeast this week, the nation’s 300 million citizens looked upon the trail of devastation and fully realized, for the first time, that this is just going to be something that happens from now on.

Sometimes, The Onion is the only publication to accurately report how our nation feels about the big issues.

Enquirer screenshotThe Cincinnati Enquirer has posted a photo gallery of Cincinnati’s re-opened Washington Park, which consists of other people’s photos found on Instagram, Flickr, and Twitter. (Maybe they no longer employ any photographers of their own.)

Unfortunately, they either threw this thing together quickly or didn’t realize that Cincinnati isn’t the only city with a Washington Park. Their gallery currently includes a shot of Washington Square Park in New York (pictured above). I assume they will go back and remove it as more people point this out to them.

(Thanks to Jake Mecklenborg for the tip.)

SNL Needs to Get Over Television

Mick Jagger hosted the finale of Saturday Night Live last weekend, and despite the offbeat paths the show could have followed—maybe an Exile on Main Street parody set in a puke-stained mansion along the French Riviera?—it stuck mostly to satirizing this season’s preferred target: television.

Of the 152 live sketches aired this season, a whopping 58 percent (88 sketches) were television parodies of some sort, whether political debates, game shows, or fake newscasts. Of course, SNLhas skewered television since its inception. As “Baba Wawa,” Gilda Radner gleefully lampooned the popular broadcast journalist’s speech impediment; Dana Carvey’s Church Lady hosted aTonight Show for the devout; Wayne’s World poked fun at amateurish cable access fodder; and even dimwitted Hans and Franz somehow landed an exercise show in which they mainly flexed and chastised their girlie-man viewers. But the world has changed since the days of Baba Wawa, and SNL’s present-day devotion to mocking its own medium feels anachronistic, a lazy holdover that prevents the show from fully satirizing society as it exists today.

Bring back more original characters. Fewer political parodies.